Valentine's Day Woes
THUNDER BAY, ON — As Valentine’s Day approaches, men in Thunder Bay are reportedly scrambling to find the perfect gift for their spouses, a task that has left many on the verge of despair, confusion, and in some cases, tears.
Local man Brad MacArthur, 38, says he has already visited three different stores this week in search of something that will show his wife, Cindy, just how much he loves her. “I thought about the usual flowers, but she hates roses. I thought about chocolates, but she’s gluten-free. I even considered a spa day, but she said the last one was ‘too relaxing,’” MacArthur explained, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “I’m just trying to find something that won’t get me immediately sent to the doghouse.”
Meanwhile, 45-year-old Jim Dodd admits he’s exhausted all of his “go-to” gift ideas. “I tried to make her breakfast in bed, but I set off the smoke alarm. I bought a cute necklace, but she already has five, so that was a hard pass,” he said, his eyes darting nervously toward a pile of unopened online gift catalogs on his coffee table. “At this point, I’m starting to think a nice, hand-written apology letter might do the trick.”
In a stunning twist, Thunder Bay’s Intercity Shopping Centre, has become a hotbed of last-minute desperation, with men gathered in huddles outside jewelry stores, desperately consulting one another on the best possible gift. “I just want to get this right,” said local resident Derek Walters. “I thought about a pet bunny, but I feel like that might be a weird move.”
Sources say most men will end up settling on either an overpriced bottle of wine or a gift card to Chimo Lumber.