Thunder Bay Women's Group Calls for an End to Movember

THUNDER BAY, ON — A local women’s rights group is calling for an end to the yearly tradition of Movember, where men grow out their facial hair to raise money for charity, citing that they’ve simply “had enough of the scraggly mess.” The group, Thunder Bay Women for Practical Charities, is now proposing an alternative: a new campaign called “Muffember,” where women will stop all grooming below the waist for the entire month of December in solidarity.

“We get it. It’s for a good cause, but there has to be another way for men to help,” said Beth Harper, a spokesperson for the group and a long-suffering wife of a Movember participant. “Every year it’s the same thing—moustaches sprouting up on every corner, my husband looking like he’s lost in some 70s cop drama. Not to mention the constant itchiness every time we kiss. We’re just asking them to think about other ways to raise money that don't require us suffering through scratchy mustaches at holiday parties.”

The women’s group claims that Movember, while well-intentioned, has become an aesthetic nightmare for countless Thunder Bay women. While they don’t dispute the importance of men’s health awareness, they argue that it’s high time for men to get more creative with their fundraising efforts.

The proposed Muffember, according to the group’s press release, would see local women growing out their pubic hair in a month-long show of defiance and charity. All funds raised would be directed toward local children's charities, specifically those in need of warm winter clothing.

“We’re just giving them a taste of their own medicine,” added Harper. “If they’re going to subject us to their prickly upper lips, then they better be ready for us to stand in solidarity and go all-natural ourselves.”

Thunder Bay resident Kyle Martens, a Movember participant since 2015, finds the idea of Muffember “pretty absurd.”

“I’m just trying to raise a bit of money and have some fun, and now my girlfriend’s talking about matching me for December? C’mon, that’s crossing the line,” said Martens, who admits his girlfriend has been dropping hints for the past two weeks that she’s less than thrilled with his ‘stache. “I can’t believe they’d go that far. It’s just a month, guys! Next thing you know, I’ll be getting picketed at home.”

Some Thunder Bay residents are trying to mediate a middle ground, with some understanding the sentiment behind both Movember and Muffember.

“Both sides kind of have a point,” said Jake Curran, a local barista who has heard customer complaints from both sides. “If men are allowed to use their faces for charity, women should be allowed to use whatever they want. It’s 2024, we should be embracing equality. I’m sure the kids will appreciate the donation, either way.”

For now, the women’s group is standing firm, vowing to go forward with Muffember if Movember continues as planned.