Thunder Bay Kids Hold Secret Zoom Meetings Before Halloween
THUNDER BAY, ON — Local children in Thunder Bay’s East End have hosted many secret Zoom meetings to strategize their candy-gathering routes for Halloween — all with one goal in mind: avoiding the "boring" houses that hand out subpar treats.
"We’re tired of wasting time," said 11-year-old Lucas Henderson, one of the organizers of the covert online meetings. "Every year, it's the same thing — we get excited for candy, and then bam — a house gives you raisins or, even worse, a toothbrush. This year, we’re taking back control of our bags.”
Henderson and his group of preteen masterminds have been meticulously plotting which homes to avoid, using everything from Google Maps to parental intel. The highest-priority skips? Houses with a reputation for handing out granola bars, miniature toothbrushes, or, in one particularly egregious case, a single clementine.
"We know which houses always cheap out on the candy," said Maya Singh, 9, who’s been labeled the group’s "Head of Intelligence" after revealing she keeps an Excel spreadsheet of the last three years of Halloween loot. "Last year, Mrs. Thompson gave me a bag of baby carrots. I'm not falling for that again.”
When asked how the Zoom meetings have remained undetected by parents, the kids admitted they’ve cleverly disguised the calls as “online homework sessions.”
"They never check. If they saw the spreadsheets and maps, they'd think we were planning some kind of neighbourhood heist," said 12-year-old Max Johnston, chuckling. "Which, I guess, we kind of are.”
One parent, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions from the pint-sized planners, said they were both impressed and horrified at the level of organization. “When I was their age, we just ran around randomly, hoping for the best. I can’t believe they’re now using data analytics to determine which houses are ‘worth it.’ It’s... well, it’s kind of genius.”
Dentists, however, are not thrilled to find themselves on the list of undesirables. Dr. Amanda Lawson, a local dentist notorious for handing out toothbrushes, expressed frustration after hearing her name had been flagged in the Zoom meetings.
"Look, I understand they want candy, but oral hygiene is important," said Lawson. "Sure, maybe a toothbrush isn’t as exciting as a Snickers, but I’m just trying to balance out the sugar intake. I’m not the villain here.”
However, in the children’s eyes, she very much is. "We call her ‘Dr. No-Fun,’" whispered 10-year-old Katie Stevens. "Last year, she gave out extra-soft toothbrushes, like they even mattered. We all agreed she’s a ‘hard pass’ this year.”
Despite the kids' best efforts, some parents aren’t too concerned about the Zoom meetings. "Honestly, if they put this much effort into their homework, they’d all be getting straight A's," said Michael Henderson, Lucas’s father. "At this point, if they want to map out Halloween like a military operation, who am I to stop them? I just hope they save me some candy.”
With tonight being Halloween, the children of Thunder Bay are rushing to finalize their long-developed strategy. As for the houses labeled "boring"? Well, they might just be facing a quiet Halloween.