Thunder Bay Challenges Chicago for Title of 'Windy City'
THUNDER BAY, ON — In an audacious move that has left many scratching their heads, Thunder Bay officials have formally announced their bid to challenge Chicago for the title of the "Windy City," a moniker that the Ontario city claims rightfully belongs to them.
“Frankly, we’re tired of being in Chicago’s shadow,” declared Thunder Bay Mayor Ken at a press conference held in the gusty outdoor parking lot at Prince Arthur’s Landing that nearly toppled several microphones. “We have wind. And lots of it. And unlike Chicago, we don’t need a lakeshore skyline or a world-famous pizza to make people notice it. We have cold wind that goes straight through your soul. If anyone deserves the title of Windy City, it's us.”
The bold declaration, though steeped in civic pride, has left residents of both Thunder Bay and Chicago bemused, confused, and in some cases, mildly entertained.
“Are they serious?” asked Chicago Alderman Tom Garza, speaking to reporters from the windy perch of the 103rd floor of the Willis Tower. “I mean, look around. We’ve been the Windy City since the 1800s. We have wind because we’re on the shore of Lake Michigan, which, last time I checked, is considerably bigger than whatever pond they’ve got up there in Thunder Bay.”
He paused, squinting at a map for several seconds before asking, “Where is Thunder Bay again?”
Thunder Bay’s attempt to usurp Chicago’s claim to windy fame has sparked fierce debate among meteorologists, historians, and a few X users. According to local experts, the Great Lakes region is notorious for its harsh winds, but Thunder Bay officials argue that the combination of brutal winter storms, sudden temperature shifts, and the fact that their wind seems to carry ice pellets directly into your eyes gives them the edge over their southern rival.
“Chicago may have more famous wind, but Thunder Bay’s wind hits harder. It’s wind that’s angry,” said Paula Vickers, head of the Thunder Bay Chamber of Commerce, standing triumphantly beside a sign that read: ‘Welcome to Thunder Bay: Dress for the Apocalypse.’
“We don’t have the luxury of mild summer breezes or fall winds gently rustling leaves. Here, it’s an all-out assault, 365 days a year. It’s like nature is personally offended by anyone who steps outside.”
Chicago residents, on the other hand, were equally baffled by Thunder Bay’s challenge. “Look, I’m not saying Thunder Bay isn’t windy,” said Chicagoan Carla Harrison, struggling to light a cigarette outside a downtown bar as the wind nearly tore it from her hands. “But have they ever tried waiting for a bus in January down here? Sometimes it feels like the wind is actively trying to make you question your life choices. If they want that, let ‘em have it.”
Meanwhile, Thunder Bay locals have embraced the city’s new wind-centric identity with a mixture of pride and resignation. “The wind here is definitely… memorable,” said Thunder Bay resident Maggie Pearce, clutching her scarf and blinking rapidly as she spoke to reporters. “There’s nothing quite like the feeling of icicles forming on your face. It makes you feel alive, you know? Even if it’s because you’re worried about frostbite.”
Not everyone in Thunder Bay is thrilled with the idea, however. “This feels unnecessary,” said Greg McAllister, a local barista, as he angrily pulled down a banner that read ‘Official Windy City 2025.’ “I moved here from Toronto for peace and quiet. Now we’re in some kind of wind war with Chicago? I just want to drink my coffee without it blowing out of my cup.”
Despite the controversy, Thunder Bay officials remain undeterred, planning a series of wind-themed promotional events including a “Stand in the Wind” endurance contest and the “Gust Olympics,” which will feature competitive kite flying, windbreaker fashion shows, and the classic Thunder Bay tradition of “not going outside for three months straight.”
Back in Chicago, city officials have maintained a mostly indifferent stance toward Thunder Bay’s claims. “I suppose it’s flattering, in a way,” said Garza. “But really, if they want the title that badly, we’ll gladly let them take our wind. Especially in February. Heck, we’ll throw in the lake effect snow for free.”
As the two cities continue their blustery battle for meteorological supremacy, one thing remains clear: no one really asked for this, but somehow, we’re all going along with it anyway.
For now, residents of both cities will just have to continue braving their winds, with the knowledge that somewhere, someone out there is having an even windier day.