Superior News Now

Northwestern Ontario's Fictional Facts Source

Dear Northwestern Ontarians,

You might be asking yourself, "Do I really need another news outlet?" Well, guess what? Superior News Now (SNN) didn’t come here to answer questions you were actually asking. In fact, we’re all about giving you the news you never knew you wanted—scratch that—the news you definitely didn’t need, but will find yourself inexplicably coming back for.

Let’s be honest, Northwestern Ontario: your options for news have been a little... dry. Sure, there’s the usual talk about snow removal, forest fires, and those geese that definitely caused a minor traffic jam up Oliver Road. But where’s the fun in that? That’s where Superior News Now steps in, proudly reporting on everything we think you want but never asked for. As Northwestern Ontario’s Fictional Facts Source, we provide the stories that traditional journalists don’t have the courage—or imagination—to cover. You know, the important stuff, like whether the squirrels in Hillcrest Park are secretly unionizing, or if Thunder Bay’s coffee shops are actually fronts for a highly organized underground knitting syndicate.

Here’s what you need to know about Superior News Now:

We’re Not Like Your Other Local News Outlets

First off, let’s get one thing straight: Superior News Now is not about real news. If you want reality, look out your window at the endless winter or, heaven forbid, check the weather report. Instead, we specialize in the kind of news that Northwestern Ontario deserves. Our stories are meticulously crafted to be almost, but not quite, believable, but are all stories that matter.

We’re Here For You—Unless You Ask Too Many Questions

Kept together by a dedicated team of journalists fresh out of university, college, and occasionally high school, SNN is the perfect combination of youthful energy and complete disregard for factual reporting.

We also pride ourselves on our tireless work ethic. Sure, other outlets have reporters on the ground covering “real” issues like political scandals and weather disasters, but we’ve got our best and brightest hard at work, bringing you the stories that really hit home, that no one else has the guts to cover.

We Cover The Big Issues—And The Issues We Made Up

We know you’re busy, and with so much going on in the world, you need an outlet that distills the most important events in Northwestern Ontario, whether they happened or not. That’s why our stories focus on what’s relevant: the rise of moose gangs, the hunt for Thunder Bay’s most elusive parking spot, and the local government's secret plan to replace snowplows with flamethrowers. Superior News Now gives you the news that other outlets don’t—mostly because we make it up as we go along.

Why Northwestern Ontario? Because You’re Worth It.

Toronto has its shiny skyscrapers, and Vancouver has its breathtaking mountains, but here in Northwestern Ontario, we have something they don’t: you. You, the hardy folks who shovel driveways in -40°C, battle mosquitoes the size of small birds, and have developed a level of sarcasm that is second only to our own. You deserve a news outlet that reflects the unique realities of your life—by completely disregarding those realities and providing a funhouse mirror version of them instead.

So, welcome to Superior News Now, the news source you didn’t ask for but somehow always needed. We promise we’ll never let facts get in the way of a good story, and we’ll always be here to tell you what you think you want to know, even if none of it’s true.

Thank you for letting us into your inbox (we won’t ask how we got here). If you’re ready to laugh, question your sanity, and maybe start believing in Thunder Bay’s underground coffee cult, stick around.

With absurdity and affection,

The Superior News Now Team

P.S. If you see any rogue moose near the McIntyre River, please contact us immediately. We suspect they’re up to something big.