Santa’s Thunder Bay Review
NORTH POLE — In a recent press conference held at his Arctic workshop, Santa Claus delivered a surprisingly tepid yet reassuring assessment of Thunder Bay, Ontario, confirming that delivering toys to the city is “fine, honestly,” and not nearly as grim as some might believe.
“Thunder Bay isn’t the easiest stop on the list, but it’s really not that bad,” Santa explained while tightening his iconic belt. “Sure, it’s no Paris or Kyoto, but they have a certain… rugged charm. Plus, I’ve never been mobbed by a snowplow there.”
Santa’s subdued praise didn’t extend to his reindeer, though. Reports suggest Dasher referred to the city’s frequent winter storms as “personal vendettas,” and Rudolph allegedly described the Lake Superior winds as “straight-up disrespectful.” Despite these grievances, Santa insists Thunder Bay's residents make it worth the trip. “The kids there? Top-notch. They leave out great cookies, and I’ve never seen so many ‘thank you’ notes written in perfect cursive. Very polite.”
In response to rumours that he once considered skipping Thunder Bay altogether, Santa scoffed. “Listen, every city has its quirks. I’ve been chased by wolves in Siberia and had my sleigh booted in New York. Compared to that, Thunder Bay’s just... cold.”
While admitting it’s not a highlight of the global itinerary, Claus ended on a note of pragmatic optimism. “Let’s just say it’s a solid 6 out of 10. Some of the elves call it ‘Thunder Meh,’ but we keep it professional.”
Locals are reportedly relieved, with Mayor Ken declaring, “This is the kind of glowing endorsement we’ve been waiting for. Thunder Bay: We’re Fine By Santa!”