Nipigon Residents Thrilled for Upcoming Series on New Bridge
NIPIGON, ON — Nipigon residents are preparing for the highly anticipated release of Crossing Canada, a brand-new series from the producers of The Grand Tour focused on the Nipigon River Bridge. The series, set to premiere on Tim Hortons' newly launched streaming service, Double Double Vision, promises to bring the thrill of structural engineering to Canadian screens coast to coast — as long as you have a Wi-Fi connection strong enough to handle it.
“This bridge connects Canada, like, literally,” said Fred Delaney, Nipigon’s unofficial bridge expert and chair of the Nipigon River Bridge Appreciation Club. “I’ve driven over it maybe four times now, and every time, I feel like I’m crossing into something bigger than myself. Now I can relive that in HD.”
The series is expected to deliver riveting scenes of asphalt, concrete, and cable tension footage, captured with the meticulousness usually reserved for slow-motion car chases. And according to executive producer Nigel Bronsworth, the action will be non-stop. “You might think a bridge documentary would lack the drama of high-speed racing,” Bronsworth explained from a high-tech trailer parked just outside Tim Hortons. “But we’ve captured the most epic shot of a minivan driving across at 90 km/h that you will ever see.”
In a surprising turn of events, the show will feature commentary from familiar faces like former co-hosts of The Grand Tour, who will share their raw, unfiltered thoughts on bridge architecture as they brace themselves against Northern Ontario’s relentless mosquitoes. Bronsworth assured fans, “Yes, Jeremy Clarkson did yell at a seagull, and yes, we will show it uncut.”
Residents of Nipigon are already lining up at Tim Hortons to secure access to Double Double Vision so they can catch the first episode’s midnight release. Local high school teacher Martha Joans has organized a premiere party at her house, complete with a bridge-themed potluck. “We’ll have Nanaimo bars for the bridge deck, Timbits for the bolts, and coffee, obviously. We need caffeine if we’re going to get through all four hours of this documentary.”
For Tim Hortons, the launch of Double Double Vision marks an ambitious foray into the streaming world. CEO Duncan McClelland revealed that Crossing Canada is just the beginning. “We’re planning more high-adrenaline shows, like Paving the Prairies and The Great Canadian Culvert Tour. Canadians deserve to see these feats of engineering in a way they never could before.”
Asked if he thought the bridge would hold up under the hype, Nipigon mayor Walter Bryson expressed cautious optimism. “The bridge was closed for repairs in 2016, but it’s holding strong now. I’m more worried about whether Nipigon’s internet will crash when everyone tries to log on.”
At press time, an entire row of Tim Hortons employees could be seen trying to explain to Nipigon’s older residents how streaming works, one double-double at a time.