NFL Announces Thunder Bay as Host for 2025 Global Series Game
THUNDER BAY, ON - In a head scratching move, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that the NFL's 2025 Global Series will include a stop in Thunder Bay, Ontario. The Tennessee Titans will face off against the Miami Dolphins at the prestigious Fort William Stadium, which usually hosts local football and soccer matches and the occasional middle school track meet.
“We know Thunder Bay wasn’t on anyone’s radar, but we’re encouraging fans to embrace this moment,” Goodell said during a press conference. “Sure, it’s a city of about 100,000 people, with no professional football team or meaningful connection to the sport. But hey, we’re bringing the Titans and Dolphins, so just accept it.”
The decision has been met with a mix of confusion, mild enthusiasm, and the classic Canadian politeness the league was clearly banking on. “We thought, why should Europe get all the fun? Let’s make football global by going somewhere that barely has a football field,” Goodell added, sounding both visionary and desperate.
Thunder Bay city officials, however, are treating the announcement as the biggest thing since sliced Finnish flatbread. Mayor Ken, flanked by a Moose statue and holding a Tim Hortons coffee cup, expressed his excitement about the event, saying, “This is huge for our city. Not only will we get international exposure, but we expect thousands—maybe even tens of thousands—of fans to flood our streets, enjoying the sights, like the Sleeping Giant and…well, you know, the Sleeping Giant again.”
Local tourism board member Karen McKellar agreed. “We’re projecting at least a 300% increase in people accidentally driving through Thunder Bay. With this game, they might actually stop, get gas, and maybe buy a commemorative CFL jersey from one of our fine local stores. The possibilities are endless.”
Not all Thunder Bay residents are as optimistic. Long-time Dolphins fan, Mark Douglas, who admitted he only became a fan after binge-watching Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, offered his thoughts: “Look, I love football, and yeah, it’s pretty cool the NFL even knows we’re here. But the Titans? Really? I mean, I guess I'll go since the bar by the stadium has $5 beer during games. Whatever.”
Meanwhile, self-proclaimed "Thunder Bay Titans superfan," Kyle McMillan, insisted he’s been a Titans supporter “since forever, like at least 2019,” despite admitting he still isn’t clear on what a touchback is. “I just think it’s amazing that the NFL is bringing us these teams. It’s gonna be wild, eh? Maybe I’ll even get a jersey if they go on sale at Sport Chek.”
As for ticket sales, a spokesperson for the event hinted that while the stadium’s seating capacity of 4,000 might seem small for an NFL game, they’re confident it will “mostly sell out.” They’re also prepared for contingencies, such as busing in fans from nearby Atikokan or simply asking attendees to bring lawn chairs.
In closing, Goodell assured fans that, while neither the Titans nor Dolphins are expected to break any records next season, this stop in Thunder Bay will be “one for the books—assuming someone buys one and writes about it.”