Kenora Residents Enjoying New MRI Machine

KENORA, ON — After years of pleading, protesting, and pulling out every heartstring possible, the town of Kenora finally received its first MRI machine late last year, marking the end of a gruelling era in which yard sales doubled as life-support for the local healthcare system.

“Honestly, we weren’t sure we would ever get one,” said lifelong resident Marlene Gauthier, wiping tears as the brand-new MRI was unveiled with all the pomp and circumstance of a royal coronation. “Every year we’d funnel our charity donations into the 'Kenora MRI Fund' just to scrape together enough cash for something our government kept telling us wasn’t a priority. This year, the food bank might actually get a cheque.”

The new MRI, which came after a decade of Kenora lobbying the provincial government harder than an oil company at a climate conference, was delivered just days before the town’s annual “MRI Gala,” a tradition locals say they’re excited to retire.

“When we first started the gala, we thought, ‘Hey, this will be fun!’ But ten years of auctions and charity car washes for a basic medical device has really sucked the joy out of fundraising,” said the Mayor, sipping from a mug that read, I Donated for This Machine.

Critics have pointed out that Kenora’s plight reflects deeper systemic issues in Ontario’s healthcare funding, but locals insist they’re just happy they can finally get their joints scanned without driving five hours to Winnipeg.

“It’s a true miracle,” said MacMillan. “Now, we can go back to raising money for what really matters—helping people keep their lights on and making sure kids don’t go hungry. You know, the fun stuff.”