Illegal eBay Brooms Cause Chaos at Fort William Curling Club

THUNDER BAY, ON — The quiet sanctity of friendly Friday night mixed doubles at the Fort William Curling Club shattered last week when accusations of cheating erupted over a pair of “illegal brooms” purchased on eBay. The scandal, now known as “SweepScam,” has rocked the local curling community to its very foundation.

“It started as a fun night,” said Karen McPherson, a longtime curler who witnessed the debacle. “Then, out of nowhere, Dave and Sheila’s team were making their rocks curl like they were riding on a rail. It was...unnatural.”

The controversy began when opponents noticed Dave and Sheila wielding shiny, futuristic brooms that looked more suited for a sci-fi movie than Thunder Bay ice. When pressed, Dave admitted the pair had found the brooms on eBay and thought they’d be “fun to try.” Fun, it seems, turned into curling chaos.

“These brooms are illegal under every possible curling rule,” said rival curler Jim Walker, his voice shaking with indignation. “We all agreed to standard brooms for friendly games. This isn’t Vegas! It’s Thunder Bay! Respect the ice!”

The offending brooms reportedly featured a revolutionary synthetic fabric that reduced friction, allowing unparalleled control over the rocks. The result? “Sweeping so effective, it’s basically witchcraft,” claimed one exasperated curler.

After a heated, 40-minute shouting match at the bar—fueled by Molson and a shared plate of nachos—the club president stepped in. A vote was taken to ban the brooms, with a 13-2 result. Sheila and Dave abstained.

“We’re not mad, just disappointed,” the president said in a statement. “The spirit of curling is about camaraderie and fair play. Let’s leave the high-tech gimmicks to hockey.”

Dave and Sheila have since apologized but hinted they might try pickleball instead.